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@rondetto Said

I've just swallowed some letters from my Scrabble set.
Going to the toilet later could spell trouble.😂

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Wife: What are your plans for Easter?
Husband: Same as Jesus...
Wife: What do you mean?
Husband: I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!
Wife: AWESOME! You do that, I'll do a Mary and show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.
The man stayed home.

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Sad news…
My obese parrot died this morning.
Although I'm sad, it’s a huge weight off my shoulders.

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A few days ago, one of my neighbours that doesn't have double glazing, had the main pane of glass fall out of their living room window.
They called a glazier who replaced it, but two days later the same thing happened again.
The glazier advised them that this is happening a lot in our area and went on to say that a local animal is eating the putty.
Our neighbours asked if he knows what kind of animal it is?
He told them that "Yes it's a cat....... a putty cat."

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I had a date last night for the first time in a while.
I really enjoyed it.
Tonight I’m going to have a fig.

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