Complaining about the people in our lives

"You can't choose your family...but you can choose your friends" is a saying most of us know well.

Our families often drive us mad, but unless we want to get legal and dramatic, we're stuck with them. The same is not so for acquaintances & friends in our lives.

I have a lot of friends who complain incessantly about other friends they don't like who seem to make their lives a misery. Yet they still see them - still hang out with them, even though secretly, they can't stand a lot about them. It's like they get some entertainment out of complaining about them later.

Then again, all people we know well are likely to drive us crazy after a while. Maybe this venting allows us to remain friends - and we all need friends.

Your thoughts?

I just like b****ing.

Yes I know a person. Everyone hate her and mock her but still everyone hang out with her. Oo
It's a mystery ...
I guess you just can't live without certain people.

I like my friends. I talk bad about "the b****" but I also tell her to her face. I don't let her around.

I don't b**** about friends but if me and a friend are in a fight, I will confide my feelings to them.

If you b**** about em behind their back, have the balls to tell them face on.

I think eventually, if you have friends that bother you that badly you need to cut them loose.

Now I'm not saying that every time you disagree with a friend, you need to cut them out of your lives and cut off contact to any mutual friends that's just crazy and not what friendship is about.

But sometimes, people change, and for the worst, and they start doing stuff that is hurtful, like only being around when they are bored, and expecting you to entertain them, and they expect you to be there when their life is complicated, but you try to talk them about your life and they blow you off, Consistently, to the point that even if they bother to ask how you are, they don't even acknowledge your answer and go on and on about themselves.

Those aren't friends, those are people that want a bunch of "fans" around them. People like that, I think, are toxic in away, and its sometimes self preservation to let them drift away until you are not speaking and cut ties.

People like that, I tend to not "choose" to keep around. Other friends, they do stupid stuff sometimes, but they are also there for me too. Its a give and take situation, sometimes they drive you nuts, but they let you drive them nuts too. Those are friends to keep, those are the ones that I'd do almost anything for, because I know they would do it for me. That kinds of dependability and loyalty, when it goes both ways, is wonderful and it lets lots of little annoyances slip by, those are people that I would "choose" to be my family if I could.

Life is too short to hold grudges or to back stab, We can't all expect to get on with everybody, personalities clash from time to time.

If you don't like some one give them a wide birth.

If you have been wronged by some one then tell them your upset with them, if you like that person then it can be worked out between you.

We all have our personal opinions of people, they are ours to keep.

The slagging off in my opinion is a type of jealousy, or an insecurity in the friendship.

Friendship is a wonderful thing, you never know when you might need a friend, so look after your them, treat them how you would like to be treated.

All good posts so far.

Friends are very valuable - the good ones are often in our lives longer than our partners are - in the case of my deceased grandparents, longer than their siblings were alive. The good ones will stand by you no matter what - encourage you, support you, cheer for you. My life would have been terrible were it not for the support of my many good friends male and female.

But what about the 'friends' we hang with who we can't stand - who we see and just complain about later? I think there is some maturity & kindness in just cutting contact with these people. Maybe they are great people - but just not great people in our eyes?

What do we gain by b****ing about these people we loosely label as our friends - and what do others think of us when we criticise these people who are supposed to mean something to us?

That's fair enough.

If your friends b****ed about you, would you extend them the same courtesy? If you enjoy it, is it okay when others enjoy it at your expense?

Not a judgement call, Laura. Just a question - since you left no explanation in your OP.

I think the difference is that I don't b**** about my friends... I b**** about people that seem to hang out with me and my friends for no reason. I'd like to think that my friends don't b**** about me either.

I'd be pissed if someone was b****ing about me, understandably people would be pissed if I b****ed about them